If not friend, why friend-shaped

and other thoughts on college rankings, the wisdom of old age, and authenticity

Aging is full of indignities. You walk across the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and your back spasms. You forget where you put your glasses. Your children show you what they believe to be a hilarious TikTok video and you pretend to laugh along with them so you don’t look like a stupid old person even if you secretly suspect that fake-laughing at a TikTok video you don’t understand makes you look even older and more stupid.

Oscar Wilde (who died when he was 46—practically a baby) famously said that with age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone. I would like to think that I’ve gained at least some wisdom even as I’ve lost collagen and the ability to do a handspring without wrenching my back. I know stuff the youngsters don’t. For example: I’m old enough to know what to do with a pencil and a cassette tape, I’ve tasted General Foods International Coffees (Café Français 4EVAH), and I remember the good old days when the University of Chicago admitted 35 percent of its applicants.

Ju…